Let go and let God

I believe that "Let go and let God" has been told to me throughout my entire life and while I thought I knew the meaning of that phrase, I never knew what it meant to truly live by it until recently. Even now with eyes wider opened...I am overwhelmed by the true nature of what letting go and letting God is all about. I understand the enormity of it and I feel further away from truly living that phrase than ever before. I guess that's why I hear the most pious people in this world are the ones that are most humble and constantly growing and changing. I'm definitely at the beginning of my journey with my faith and letting go and trusting God with my whole heart. A part of knows that I will never get "there" but I can with God's grace spend my whole life trying to get close as I humanly can. I feel that the moment I stop and think that I'm ok where I'm at...I'm a good person and that's enough...that's the moment when I start to grow apart from God. I was at that place for a while until life's struggles started to turn that around. I think I'm at the point where I've realized that I'm not perfect, accepted my faults, asked for God's mercy, and have the desire to turn my life around and give Him the control. His Will be done! Turning it into action is now hard work but worth every effort. I wake up each morning and pray and by the next morning I find myself starting over and trying again. It's hard for a control freak to relinquish control. However, I know it's worth it because there have been moments that I feel God's grace working in me and those are the moments I feel happiest and liberated.

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for almost 6 years. It's been a long hard road but thankful that I can offer up this suffering to God. We've had our ups and downs. Watching everyone around us get pregnant has been so difficult and wondering why is just torture. Somehow throughout these 6 years we've developed a deep and growing relationship with God. A relationship I thought I would never have. I'm thankful for this cross in our life because of the deep relationship I've been able to develop with my God. Our journey with infertility has miraculously led us to Pope Paul VI institute where I will be having another surgery in two weeks to remove endometriosis found in a previous surgery. I find myself at this point with a struggle to not let fear and nervousness of the upcoming surgery take over. I feel that I have to let go of the fear and about worrying about the future because God is in control and He's led me to where I am. While I don't understand all the suffering and why all the surgeries and traveling down the road less taken (road frequently taken with infertility is IVF), I feel I need to let go and let God's will be done. He knows better than I know and I have to trust Him. I need to let go of the past and not worry about the future or what is to come because I want to follow God's path. That's where I want to be. So in the meantime I'm on my journey through life....choosing to let God take charge, constantly growing, trying to be humble and pure at heart, trying to incorporate the virtues of faith, hope, and love. This blog is about my daily life,life experiences, ups and downs...my never ending life journey to living life with God as the center.